by Terri Webster
I recently read an article by Jenny Rapson, author at For Every Mom (foreverymom.com), titled,
Beth Moore to Christian Leaders: Wives Do
NOT Submit to Abuse. EVER.
I encourage you to read the article.
Then I invite you to come back here and share your thoughts and concerns in the
comments area below.
I appreciate her (Jenny) boldness on the subject of husbands
physically abusing their wives. She quotes a leader of the Southern Baptist
Convention, who believes wives should stay in their marriage, except in
extreme, dangerous conditions. Leaving the marriage would be wrong; it would
depend on the level of abuse.
At what level is any type of abuse unacceptable? At what
level are the conditions considered dangerous?
While the article addressed physical abuse, which at any
level is wrong, I want to also address verbal and emotional abuse. There are no
visible signs. No cuts, black eyes, broken bones or bruises. Yet, it can be
equally damaging. And at some point, as in my case, eventually dangerous.
The internal damage doesn’t require immediate medical
attention. If left untreated though, I believe it manifests later with
illnesses, diseases, forms of arthritis, depression, PTSD and suicide.
Like Beth Moore and Jenny Rapson, I’m so pro-marriage, that
I “stayed” with my husband while he continued an affair with my best friend.
And other women. We eventually separated, but divorce wasn’t on my radar yet.
The abuse escalated after he moved out, so I didn’t have to
live with it 24/7. Yet, I did.
We had children together. For 19 years I endured many forms
and levels of emotional and verbal abuse. He used threats and bullying to
instill fear and silence me into a corner. I just thought I was keeping the
peace. I thought, as a Christian woman, that I was doing what I was supposed to
do.
I was young. I didn’t know what his words and threats were
doing to me as a woman and mother. And I didn’t realize what it was doing to
our children. All I could think back then was, if I’d only done this or that or prayed harder. Or did a better job at
keeping the peace.
For a year I “stayed”. I prayed and believed God would
eventually bring us back together. As I’ve no doubt that He desired to restore
and heal our family, God will never intervene where He isn’t welcomed. At the
time, my husband saw no wrong done. He let me know that I was the problem and I
believed it.
After we divorced, I was counseled by a pastor of a big
denominational church that I was bound to my ex till death do us part. Through
tears, I looked at him and asked, "Even if he’s with other women?" He answered me
with indifference…”Yes.”
In Beth Moore’s words, “…when we as a church culture
demonize divorce as the worst possible outcome-the sin of all sins-we truly
have no clue on this ever loving earth what some people are enduring.”
Thank you, Beth Moore!
Years later I discovered that pastor left his wife for
another. I wondered how long had she suffered in silence, was backed into a
corner, her voice taken away?
I’m not a victim anymore, but a victor, thanks to Jesus
Christ and His healing power. However, the repercussions linger and sometimes seep
into my 10-year marriage with a wonderful man.
I’m thankful this is being brought to light among Christian
leaders, teachers and writers like Beth Moore, Jenny Rapson and Thom Rainer,
President of LifeWay Christian Resources.
I will never protect an abuser, or minimize any form of
abuse, like I did in my own life.
There is hope and healing for any who ask God; for the
abuser and the abused. Man or woman. A powerful part of healing includes
forgiveness.
But forgiving doesn’t mean you submit to physical, emotional
and verbal abuse of any kind.
Dear friend, if you are currently or ever have experienced
any form of abuse from your husband or boyfriend, there is help. I strongly
encourage you to tell someone you trust. Feel free to email me using the form
on the right of the page if you prefer.
The Celebrate Recovery program is also a great place to
start. This is a program for those with any hurt, hang up, habit or addiction.
And it’s free. No judgement. It’s a safe place to tell and heal, with others
who have walked similar roads. Celebrate Recovery
The first step is telling. You do have a voice!
Staying the course,
Terri
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com
