Monday Marker: Divorce and Remariage Part 2

Today I’m continuing from last Monday's post about a sensitive topic among single parents; remarriage after divorce.

Divorce has different levels of impact on different people. For some it's very traumatic, others, not so much. Some do not want a divorce, others can't get out of the marriage fast enough.

Whatever the case, if there isn't enough time allowed to heal, the baggage will be carried into the next relationship or marriage.

Even if we think we've healed or think we really don't have anything to heal from, that’s a state of denial.

It was ten years after my divorce before I entered into a serious dating relationship. I was over my ex- husband, had healed from the betrayal, hurt and issues with trust (or so I thought).

Our relationship began as a friendship and blossomed into a romance. We were involved in church together and had many supportive friends. We both had a strong relationship with the Lord. He was a great guy, wonderful father and served God with sincerity and zeal.

All our friends were ecstatic when we "finally" got together. I was sure he was the one. He'd been divorced for several years and his ex-wife had remarried. My ex-husband had also remarried.

We were in a bubble of love, romance and chemistry like I'd never known before. 

My past hurts and hang-ups quickly surfaced like a rising river after a flood. I started drowning in insecurities, fears and doubts. I became dependent on our relationship more than I was on God. Even after 10 years of growing with the Lord and enjoying the depth of my relationship with Him, I lost my head in this relationship.

Our little bubble popped, and it all came to a crashing halt after only five months of dating. I put this man on the front burner of my priorities and God was placed on the back burner.

It was a painful break up. I was devastated. It took me a long time to get over it, but I learned many priceless lessons from that relationship.

When we're looking to God's word, the Bible, for answers when facing divorce, we don't always find what we want to hear. There is a reason why God makes allowances for divorce, but there are reasons for the few exceptions. It's not because He wants us to be alone or wants to restrict us from happiness. It's for our protection. I'll say that again. It’s for our protection.

Even when conditions are favorable for remarriage, it’s still going to be hard. Blended families, step kids, unmet expectations, child support to still be paid and compromising more than you'd ever thought you'd do in a lifetime.

It's hard being single. I get that. It's equally hard to be married. Too many times we enter marriage assuming it's the answer to our problems. We enter marriages thinking about what (I'm, I, me, myself) going to get out of it.

If you’re considering remarriage, I strongly encourage viewing this fabulous iMarriage video series: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-Z-WeQkYKk 

A close friend recently said, "You haven't truly loved someone until you've had the opportunity to dislike or even hate them.” All new relationships begin with the oozing of love and butterflies in the stomach. Real love kicks in when the initial chemistry fades into the road of life and love becomes action.

In a Christ-centered marriage, it is all about the other person's needs. They are our first ministry.

I'm not an expert at all. I've only been remarried for seven years. We've had ups and downs, issues with grown kids and unmet expectations. What I can say from learning to be a wife again, my greatest desire must be to please Jesus Christ first if I want my marriage to succeed. 

Finally, God is a God of second chances. His grace is endless. He hates divorce and the tearing apart of families. But nowhere in His word have I found that divorce and remarriage is an unpardonable sin.

I’d love to hear about your personal experience or opinion on this subject in the comment area below.

Blessings,

Terri