Monday Marker: Divorce and Remarriage: Part 1

Today’s post is on a touchy subject I’m sure none of us thought we’d have to deal with. Divorce and remarriage. It was certainly not in my thoughts with my first marriage, until I went through a divorce.

It’s impossible to cover this subject in one post, so I’ve divided it into two parts. Today I’m touching on remarriage after divorce and what God has to say about it, plus sharing a little about my personal experience.

So what about remarriage after divorce? When I was divorced 25+ years ago, that was my burning question. I was young (28), and didn’t want to be single, much less a single mom. This was not in my plans.

It bothered me what God’s word had to say about it. You know, all those verses about whoever divorces their wife and marries another…and whoever marries her who is divorced causes her to commit adultery. Matthew 5:32 and Luke 16:18.

When we’re wounded from divorce, we think someone new will fix our hurts. I’ve seen many divorced, single parents quickly remarry someone else with ideas that the next marriage will fix all their problems. 

The experts say to allow at least one year of healing for every five years you were married. And that’s not one year before remarrying, but one year before jumping into another relationship.

There’s baggage that comes in and out of marriages, along with consequences to varying degrees, not to mention all the children being dragged through it all.

I didn’t want my divorce. He was unfaithful. I believed in God’s power to heal my marriage and would’ve taken him back. But, we have free will and he made his choices.

A couple of years after our divorce, it looked like God was moving us in the direction of reconciliation. My hopes were up. Then BAM! My ex-husband made his choice again, permanently closing that door.

I counseled with a pastor of a large church. He told me I was bound to my ex-husband until one of us dies. Period. Even if he remarried. I left that meeting feeling hopeless with D-I-V-O-R-C-E-D, OFF LIMITS stamped across my forehead.

Before my divorce, God had already answered me about this subject when I cried out to Him for answers. He walked me through Matthew 5:32. “But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” NIV

I was not bound to my ex-husband because of his affairs. There are some who’d disagree. I know it didn’t mean I was to go out searching for a boyfriend or another husband. Rebound relationships are disastrous. I won’t lie. I was open to it, longed for it at times and struggled with loneliness.

That pastor showed little compassion that day. By the time I got to my car I was in tears. Then God spoke to me the way a father would to his daughter’s broken heart. The words were something like this: “You and I have already settled this. What did I say to you already?” God’s word that He’d already spoken to me personally trumped that pastor’s counseling advice.

I spent the next 17 years as a single mom. It wasn’t necessarily by choice, but God knew best and I’m VERY thankful.

What if a divorce isn’t because of unfaithfulness? What if a couple “falls out of love” or just no longer wants to be married to each other? Does this mean if they remarry someone else they’re now an adulteress or adulterer?

In the case of abuse, that’s a different subject for another day.

In our society we move from marriage to marriage like we do jobs and homes. God designed marriage to be “until death do us part.”  But what about affairs or if they want to leave? Unless there’s repentance and both parties want healing and restoration, there’s nothing we can do to make them stay. In 1 Corinthians 7:15 we read, “But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace” NIV.

Search the scriptures for yourself and pour your heart out to God. He won't mislead you, but will direct your path into His best plan. 

I caution anyone considering divorce and possibly remarrying someone else later, unless there’s abuse, adultery or they choose to leave. I’ll share about that in Part 2 next Monday.

Until then, whatever your situation is today, know that God is a gracious, merciful Father who loves you the way no one else can or ever will.

May his rich blessings overflow to you,

Terri