Love is a loaded subject. There are different types of love,
but for today’s post I’m only focusing on two.
Falling in love and true love.
Falling “in love” with someone is temporary and shallow. You
meet someone, fall in love, then vow to love, honor and cherish for the
rest of your life.
Are you in love with him? Is he in love with you? Are y’all
in love? These are the questions asked when considering marriage, as if
that’s enough to last a lifetime together.
Falling in love with someone comes with all sorts of
feelings and emotions. You think about them constantly. They make you feel
special and it takes little effort to let the other know they’re the most
important person in your life.
People fall in love every day. Then they
claim to fall out of love. Grow apart, whatever you want to call it. You’ve
lost that loving feeling. What happened?
It’s my personal opinion that when we place the initial,
falling-in-love stage as the foundation for a marriage, we’re confusing what
love really means.
What’s the difference between true love and falling in love?
For starters, if we’re honest, falling in love is all about
me, I, us. Not them.
My first marriage ended because my husband fell “out of
love” with me and in love with someone else. I’ve heard the same story over and over from others. From men
too.
I’ve heard that if you fall out of love with someone,
then maybe you were never in love with them; a shaky foundation for a lifelong
commitment, right?
This leads to a lot of people falling in and out of love
throughout their lives, never knowing true love.
The first months and years with your one and only,
are full of many firsts. First Christmases, birthdays or first adventures together.
Eventually you’ll run out of all those “firsts”. Then what?
You find out they grind their teeth while they sleep, pass
gas, belch, and their once adored uniqueness has become more annoying than cute.
What then?
Kids come. Jobs change, appearances shift a little, and the
stress of life drives a wedge between you.
Feelings change. Attitudes change. Goals change. Life
happens. The love ran out.
Now what?
This is when true love can become the foundation for
fulfilling your vows of “till death do us part.”
Real, true love becomes action, a choice. True love isn't all about you or me. True love is when it's all about them.
We humans did not discover or create love. It’s not some
cosmic, fateful, happenstance that people randomly experience.
I’m not a love expert or relationship know-it-all. Quite the
contrary.
I’ve only been remarried for nine years after being a single
mom for 19. So I’m not an expert.
Since being married again, though, I’m learning and experiencing
true love for the first time. It’s the deepest, most meaningful, action-packed,
choice I’ve ever made with another person.
It requires
the indwelling of the spirit of Jesus Christ in my heart to empower me to grow
in this way. Especially when there’s a history of baggage to deal with.
The definition of true love is found in God’s word (the
Bible).
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not
boast,
it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking,
it
is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does
not delight in
evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always
hopes, always perseveres. I Corinthians 13
That’s a TALL order, right?
Impossible?
Nothing is impossible with God!
Jesus looked at them and said, ‘with man this is impossible,
but with God all things are possible.’ Matthew 19:26
So if you’re not feeling in love with your spouse, it
doesn’t mean you don’t love them.
You might simply be at the crossroads where true love
replaces the temporary state of falling in love.
And when love becomes action, like in the above verses from
1
Corinthians, those feelings you want to experience resurface in a much deeper
way.
Love never fails. I Corinthians 13:8
Here are a couple of resources that might help along the way:
Here's to true love and staying the course together,
Terri
