The struggle was real.
It was to the point that I was daydreaming about an escape: Liquidate
my assets (I had nothing), go
somewhere far away, where no one knew me, live in
a hut and work at a simple job that kept a thatched roof over my head and food
on a table.
No worries. No responsibilities. No more dealing with the
drama, problems, and all-consuming struggles.
I was failing anyway, so why try anymore?
Yes, the struggle was real. But the lies that were badgering
me were not. One lie, then two. They were subtle at first. They came at me on a
bad day. It snowballed from there.
Isn’t that just like our enemy, the devil? That’s his
strategy. You get knocked down by a life event, big or small, and he invades
your territory. While you’re down, another lie and then another. Before long
you’re convinced that the lies are the truth and the truth is one big lie,
until you’re thinking irrationally.
I signed my farewell letter, then read it over through
blurred eyes, thinking of my escape plan.
I imagined what it would be like, thinking through my
decision. If I follow through with this, could I ever come back? Would my kids
let me back into their life? Would my family forgive me? What would all my
church friends think? Would running away really solve anything or cause more
grief?
I thought about my two precious little kids. WAIT A MINUTE!
He’s
the better parent? But he left. His
lifestyle is leading him down dark, scary paths.
If I’m a failure, then God is a liar.
My thoughts shifted slightly. I had a free-will choice to make. Which direction would I choose?
The Holy Spirit has a magnificent way of revealing truth when we lean in to Him. One truth, then two. Before you know it, He shows up on the scene and dispels the lies, taking back His territory.
Truth: I still
had choices but was believing I didn’t.
Still wavering, my memory flooded with the truths that God
had already spoken in His word, my Bible, which I’d dated, underlined and
highlighted. These truths were where I found strength in the worst times of my life,
causing me to soar once before.
Do not fear, for I
have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name;
you are mine. When you pass
through the waters, I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be
burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze. Isaiah 43:1-2
Truth: We aren’t
promised a life without trouble and sorrow. We ARE promised that Almighty God
is with us in them, guiding us with His strong arm, while holding our right hand.
So do not fear, for I
am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and
help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
For I am the Lord your
God, who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, do not fear; I will
help you. Isaiah 41:13
Truth: God will
never, ever, ever leave us alone in our struggle. He will strengthen, help and
uphold us with His very own strong hand. The same hand that holds your right
hand.Imagine holding hands with God!
He will strengthen you. If we lay ourselves in the palm of
His hand, He’ll turn your struggles into strengths.
My problems didn’t all go away that day, but the lies did,
along with my temporary insanity.
I’m still here, 20+ years later writing about my
Rescuer and Prince.
That wasn’t the only time I struggled in life to the point
of daydreaming about a grand escape. But I now know of the devil’s schemes and
tactics. I know if I lean in to the Holy Spirit and listen, truly listen, I’ll
hear the truth.
And the truth always sets me free. The truth rescues me from…myself.
Have you struggled with wanting to run away? Quit?
Disappear?
Are you believing the enemy’s lies that will lead you down a
destructive path?
I invite you to share in the comments below what you feel
comfortable sharing and how you overcame the desire to run away.
Will you stay the course with me?
Terri
