Thanksgiving Week: Press Pause

It’s Thanksgiving week. It’s kind of hard to tell with the Christmas rush already starting. The rush to get a tree, get the Christmas lights up and decorations out, and the constant ads for black Friday and Cyber Monday shopping.

Instead of Thanksgiving being celebrated on its own, it’s overshadowed by being the official beginning of Christmas shopping and the Christmas holidays or at least that’s how it seems to me.

I remember when celebrating Thanksgiving was just that; Thanksgiving.

Everywhere we go Christmas decorations have been hitting us in the face since Halloween. A couple of weeks ago I saw live Christmas trees piled up outside a grocery store. Seems crazy to me because if you buy a live tree now, it’ll be dead by Christmas Eve.

I don’t know about you, but I feel like Thanksgiving is kind of watered down, as it falls between Halloween and Christmas. I see more advertising for black Friday, Cyber Monday and people planning to camp outside the department store doors so they can be part of a shopping stampede.

As a single mom, all of this can add to the stress of trying to budget extra money just to buy a few Christmassy things for your house, much less a Christmas tree and presents.

Don't get me wrong. I love Christmas and celebrating Jesus' birth and life! But all the materialism and Christmas rush that's forced on us during this time is another blog post for another day. 

With that in mind, I want to focus on Thanksgiving, which can also be stressful depending on your family circumstances.

Maybe it’s your ex’s turn with the kids this Thanksgiving. Or maybe this whole time of year stirs up melancholy and bittersweet emotions.

When this time of year brings on more anxiety than thankfulness, it’s time to press our pause button temporarily. While we’re in pause mode, let’s change our focus and thoughts before pressing start again.

As a single mom, the holidays always brought conflicting emotions in me. My peace and comfort would come, though, when I’d intentionally choose to focus on things that I was thankful for. When I paused to take my focus off my heartaches, disappointments and what I didn’t have, and set my thoughts on all God had given, my entire perspective would change.

Pausing and taking the time to sit down to write out the small things we’re thankful for will help to navigate throughout the holidays with a thankful and peace-filled heart.

Here are five things we all can do right now to melt away the anxiety and stress of the holidays.

1. Schedule a time and quiet place where you can press your pause button, even if it’s just for 10 minutes.
2. Grab a notebook and pen to take with you to your quiet place.
3. Write down one thing you’re thankful for. I start with the simplest thing I might take for granted such as my health, a roof over my head, or the last meal I just ate.
4. After writing down one thing, think of something else you’re thankful for, but it can’t be anything material. An example would be, God’s grace and Jesus in your life, a blue sky to look at, the smell of fall leaves, wood burning, coffee brewing or the ability to get out of bed every day. Maybe it’s friends, family or your pet.
5. While you’re doing this, make your prayer requests known to God, your Heavenly Father, who wants to hear from you.

Once you start, the list will keep growing. Before you know it, your heart is filled more with thanksgiving than it was of anxiety and stress. 

Don’t press your start button again until you’ve done the five things. We’re promised that a thankful heart, while making our requests known to God, will always produce peace as He guards our hearts and minds.

It’s Thanksgiving week. Let’s celebrate with thankful hearts and make this Thursday all about being a day full of gratitude and peace with God’s protection over our hearts and minds.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus,” Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV).

Monday Marker: Full of Fear or Full of Faith?

Which are you right now; full of fear or full of faith?

Confession time.

If I’m honest, lately I’ve been full of more fear than faith.

I’ve been going through a season of struggling with fear. Only in my head though as I’ve kept my fears to myself. Suffering silently.

Are you suffering in silence?

I’ve even been afraid to say what I’m afraid of because I’m afraid it’ll happen. Crazy, right?! Things of which I have no control over.

I’m not afraid of things like the dark, being alone or dying. It’s the smaller fears that I'd allowed to invade my thoughts.

Fear of failure. Fear of rejection. Fear of losing a loved one or something bad happening to a loved one.

As I’ve gotten older I’ve felt fear about my future. I’ve allowed what-if questions to torment me and rob the peace, joy and love I’m supposed to enjoy as a Christian.

I’ve condemned myself for even struggling with these fears because I’ve had a relationship with Jesus for a long time. I've walked fearless before.

I’m an encourager by nature and have a long history with exercising my faith in the Lord and trusting Him as Lord of my life. The results have been miraculous. It’s during the difficult times in my past that my faith grew and I really didn’t have any fears.

So why would I struggle with these fears now?

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love casts out all fear because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love” 1 John 4:18.

If I love the Lord as I claim to and spend my life on Him as I strive to do, walking in faith, what is there to fear? If perfect love casts out all fear that means I’ve not been walking in His perfect love.  

God’s love is always perfect. Even when life is hard and bad things happen. Easy to say, right? Not so easy when you’re going through hard stuff and it doesn’t feel like God is loving you.

But it’s true. God’s love is always perfect. When we put our faith in action and cling to this truth, there’s no room for fear. I’m learning that’s how His perfect love dispels all fear. When I tap into my faith in Him, the supernatural happens and that faith fills me up and casts out all fear.  

There is no greater love than what we’ve been given through Jesus Christ. This perfect love paved a pathway straight to God’s heart through Jesus Christ. We grasp onto this love by faith. He has a bright and glorious future for us who have accepted that truth and Christ lives in our heart. When I remind myself of this truth, I feel silly for having been so afraid.

Will you accept that truth too, letting His perfect love cast out your fears?

There is no fear where faith abounds.

I want to leave you with this poem written by Diane Machen.

“Deeper love down to our very soul,

it’s there we have an Anchor who will not let us go.

The Lord who calmed the sea

is the One who sees us through;

He’s given us a deeper love.”

Fearless,

Terri

After the Storm

There are those times when life seems to click right along and you can plan your days, complete to-do lists and stick closely to your schedules without interruption from unexpected life circumstances.

The kids aren’t getting sick, you haven’t missed a day from work in a while, no big crisis has knocked you off your feet. You’re humming right along.

How do you handle those times? Are you leaning on Jesus, Your Husband, Your Rock just as much as you do during the stormy seasons when things are falling apart?

For some reason, and I don’t know why God made us this way, we tend to drift from Him when things are going pretty good for us. 

Then when a storm comes or an earthquake strikes, with increasing demands, forcing us in over our heads, we cry out to God for help. We wait until we’re desperate before we pray and cry out to Him.

Why does it take the hard seasons of life to get our attention? I speak for myself when I say God uses the loss, trials, hurts and disappointments to readjust my perspective.

I think it’s all about me until something bigger than me happens. Then I see it’s not about me at all. I’m just a small part in the grand scheme of God’s plan. And trust me, there is a grander PLAN and you’re part of it.

Three weeks ago my mother-in-law fell and broke her left hip and left arm. At 81 years old that’s a BIG deal. She could barely recover from major surgery before being sent to rehab. She did get a little better and we all hoped she’d recover.  Her husband of 58 years kept vigil by her bedside daily.

I wanted to be there for my own husband as he watched his mom suffer, hoping she’d recover but knowing deep down these were their last days together.

My, oh my how perspectives changed these past three weeks. Family squabbles, anger and years of hurt and disappointment seemed to melt away with each passing day.

I got the flu smack in the middle of it all. My husband caught a stomach bug and missed a day with his mom.

My own mom, who’s in a nursing home over an hour away calls needing me to bring her stuff. My job is one where if I don’t work I don’t get paid.  

Happily, we had a new family member come into the world in the midst of all this, weighing in at over 9 pounds, making it the 4th great-grandchild for my mother-in-law.

We still have yet to clean up from a bonfire, leadership event at our house over 10 days ago, and I’m way behind on tasks concerning a single-parent ministry we’re getting off the ground.

Needless to say, the past three weeks have been over the top with demands and having to drop our life as we knew it to tend to the immediate.

We lost her this past Thursday. Her funeral was lovely and we’re comforted knowing she’s with Jesus and isn’t suffering anymore.

Now, we’re left sitting in the midst of what I describe as ashes from the past 3 weeks floating slowly to the ground and trickling remnants of smoke drifting upward. 

We’re recovering and getting a grip on the coming week, but things have shifted. There will be a new normal for a lot of folks. Attentions are now focused on PawPaw, Dad and the husband left behind.

When a life earthquake happens and you experience loss and disappointment, once it’s all over, you have to shift, readjust and find a new normal.

When you don’t even know how to pray, just ask for peace and comfort. God gives beyond generously when you ask. When you have peace and comfort, it’s much easier to keep the right perspective as you’re riding out the storm.

Our Monday Marker for today is this: lean on Him, trust and abide constantly, so when the storms and earthquakes hit, you won’t be overcome, but will move through it all in His peace and comfort which can be found nowhere else.

Riding on peace and comfort,

Terri                                             

Monday Marker: Feeling Dislocated?

As a single mom, you may feel sometimes like you don’t belong in certain groups of people. You don’t go to church because it hurts too much to see the other families with two parents.

                      

It seems that all the small groups and Bible studies are full of married and single people, but few single moms. You fit somewhere in between because you have kids like married couples, but you’re single like the single person with no kids.

Maybe you do go to church, hang out with a variety of people, but leave feeling lonelier than before you went.

When I was a single mom, I was part of a wonderful church family. It was a small church, so most of the time I was the only single mom. Even though they loved me and my kids and included us in everything, I sometimes struggled with feeling I didn’t belong. Always the third or fifth wheel in a group, as I’d constantly remind myself that I didn’t have a mate or at least a boyfriend.

When I was newly divorced I felt terribly dislocated. I felt like I had a sign on my forehead that read “Divorced, Dislocated, Discarded.” And if you turned the sign over, it would have VICTIM written in bold letters.

That’s how I saw myself, so that’s how I presented myself to the world. I hung those signs up and I was the only one who could take them down. 

I was tired of being alone, raising two kids, carrying the entire load that being head of a household brings. 

I became comfortable in my victim mindset and used bricks of rejection, abandonment and pity to build a thick wall around me. 

This had become my focus.

However, I stayed connected and involved with my church family. God used fellowship, teaching and deep friendships to begin showing me how He viewed me. He had a lot of work to do because I’d lived in this place for so long.

I don’t know where I’d be today if it weren’t for the people God surrounded me with. He used them to encourage me, speak His truths into my life, and help me see that I was not a poor rejected single mom, but a Christian woman who God delighted in.

In my own sick way I couldn’t part with the way I viewed myself. What about justice and what happened to me? If I let go of my victim status where will that leave me? Who will I be?

Then a woman shared with me from Isaiah 62:3-5 one night stating that this is how God views me.

“You will be a crown of splendor in the Lord’s hands, a royal diadem in the hand of your God. No longer will they call you deserted or name your land desolate. But you will be called Hephzibah (My delight is in her) and your land Beulah (married), for the Lord will take delight in you and your land will be married. As a young man marries a young woman, so will your Builder marry you. As a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you.

Those words sparked a change in me. I no longer saw myself forsaken and desolate. The sign on my forehead changed to “I’m His delight” and “royal diadem”. God renamed me therefore I belong to Him.

He has renamed you! You belong to Him.

When you name a pet or your car (yes, some of us name our cars), that means it belongs to you. God gives you a new name, so that means you’re not dislocated at all, but relocated into a place where you belong.

If you’ve been feeling dislocated, I want to encourage you today that you belong! You’re a vital piece of thread in the whole tapestry that God is weaving in His grand plan.

Here are 3 ways to go from dislocation to relocation:

1. Acceptance. Accept your role as a single mom and stop seeing it as a bad thing and that you’re incomplete without someone.
2. Surrender. Surrender your life’s circumstances to Christ and move forward.
3. Stay connected to a healthy church family, developing your faith daily.

There are many other ways, of course, but these are the 3 that I know are tried and proven.

Lastly, don’t isolate yourself and your kids from being part of a church family. God wants to use your gifts and talents there. And He wants to use others in your life and the lives of your kids. And since you belong to God, you belong in His family.

His delight,

Terri

Monday Marker: Struggling with Unbelief?

Are you a believer in Jesus Christ who struggles with unbelief sometimes? Well, you’re not alone. I’ve had my fair share of bouts with doubt.

Sometimes, as Christians, I think we’re afraid to admit to certain struggles for fear of what others might think.

Following Jesus is all about faith. It’s about being fully persuaded about Him, His message and your salvation and then wanting to spread that message. Right?

So why do we sometimes struggle with unbelief after all He’s done for us?

When I was a single mom, I faced many challenges. Financial, emotional, safety, loss, heartbreak, sorrow; you name it. As I sit here writing this, I can say with complete conviction that in every challenge I faced, God faced it with me, for me, through me and completely met me every single time. Time and again He revealed to me that He is who He says He is.

Now, I can’t give you the impression that I stood firm and strong every time I faced a crisis. I stood with wobbly knees and a tear-stained face many times, as I proclaimed my trust and belief that He’d get me through whatever my current situation was. And he didn’t always bring me through it the way I thought He should.

I believed in Him. I believed nothing was impossible with God. I had no problem believing He could provide in wild and unexpected ways. I believed He could heal, restore and answer prayer. I could believe all of this for anybody.

But just not for me. I doubted Him when it came to me. Did you just nod your head because you relate?

It doesn’t make sense, does it?

I struggled believing that what He did for others, He’d do for me. If He can draw me to Him, save me and send His spirit to live in my heart, why couldn’t I believe in Him for other needs in my life? Those were tough days back then. They were the very things that God used, though, to rid me of unbelief. He used all those times to strengthen my faith.

Our unbelief doesn’t change who God is. He’s the same yesterday, today and forever. But our faith is tiny. So tiny, in fact, it’s about the size of a mustard seed. Even if your faith is that small, what happens when you put it in the God who saved you? Huge, big, gigantic things! That’s what.

I can relate to the dad in Mark 9:17-24, whose son had a mute spirit that would cause him to have epileptic convulsions. He brought him to Jesus asking Him to heal him. He believed in Jesus, but struggled with unbelief.

Jesus said to him, “If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes.” Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief” Mark 9:23-24!

Do you sometimes feel like that dad?

Do you want your mustard-seed faith to grow into a large, flourishing tree like a real mustard seed does?

God will use the problems you face to strengthen your faith. Each time your faith grows stronger and will take place of the unbelief you may struggle with.

God used all my problems and circumstances throughout my 19 years as a single mom to grow and strengthen my faith in preparation for my life today.

After the dad cried out to Jesus to help his unbelief, I imagine he experienced exponential growth in his faith. 

It’s good to recall the things God has used in the past to strengthen our faith. It reminds us that He’s personally involved, and will provide for whatever new problem or crisis we’re facing now.

What are some things He’s done in your life that proved to you He’s actively and lovingly involved? In other words, what has God done for you to help you with your unbelief?

Feel free to share them in the comment area below.

Believing,

Terri

Monday Marker: Surviving the Unexpected

It was a day just like any other day for this single mom. She took care of her son before reporting to her job. Her world was relatively secure.

Little did she know things were about to take a drastic turn, forcing them into the wilderness.

Hagar was only the concubine to her son's father. He was married to Sarah and Hagar was Sarah's maidservant. As Abraham's concubine, she was still inferior to his wife, Sarah.

The man Hagar thought would support her and their son forever, approached her that morning with terribly shocking news. 

At Sarah's request, Abraham was sending them into the wilderness. They had to leave permanently. He sent them away with nothing but a loaf of bread and container of water. 

Hagar lost her job, home and security all in one day. 

God assured Abraham that he should follow through with Sarah’s demand.

This is hard for me to swallow, but God had bigger plans (He always does). When I don’t understand God’s ways, I tell Him so and move on continually trusting Him.

Sarah desperately wanted to give Abraham a son, but they’d both grown past childbearing years. Instead of taking her deepest desire to God, she took matters into her own hands.

She told Abraham to sleep with Hagar, with hopes she’d have a son and they could raise him as their own. Oh, the things we’ll do out of desperation!

Sarah’s twisted plan worked and Hagar conceived and gave birth to Ishmael.

Meanwhile, God promised Sarah and Abraham they’d indeed have a son of their own, encouraging them that nothing is impossible with Him.

Sarah did get pregnant and gave birth to Isaac. When Isaac was old enough to be weaned, they threw a party. By this time Ishmael was about pre-teen age.

At the party Sarah overheard Ishmael bragging about his inheritance rights since he was Abraham's firstborn. In their custom the firstborn son was always the heir.

To ensure Isaac would be Abrahams’s heir, Sarah demanded that he send Hagar and Ishmael away forever. 

Before you develop a disdain for Sarah and cast judgment, we’ve all done things in desperation we regret. Right? 

Maybe Ishmael’s lack of humility came with encouragement from his mother, who maybe, with slight probability, used her son to get what she wanted from Abraham. Manipulation at work.

Back to the wilderness.

Hagar and Ishmael ate the last of the bread and drank the last of their water supply. Abandoned and alone, there was nothing left to do but wait to die. Hagar lifted her voice and cried out to God. So did Ishmael. I wonder if it'd been awhile since Hagar had prayed.

Scripture tells us God heard and responded by sending an angel to encourage Hagar. Hagar opened her eyes and saw a well of water. We don’t know the rest of that part of Hagar’s story, except that they survived, and built a new life in a new place. Ishmael grew strong and eventually married.

The entire story is too much for a blog post, but you can read it in Genesis 16 and 21.

What does this have to do with you?

If you’re a single mom, you’ve probably experienced great need, through unexpected circumstances, whether physical or otherwise. God wants to, can, and will meet your needs.

What do you do when you run out of resources, money and people to help? I’ve been there. My mistake was not turning to God to begin with. I’d wait until my situation was desperate before crying out to Him. I could’ve avoided a lot of frustrations if I’d gone to God first, trusting and waiting on Him instead of creating more problems.

God sees your situation and doesn’t look away with apathy. But He’s not going to interfere where He’s not been asked either.

Maybe you’ve cried out to Him and feel He’s silent. Perhaps your breakthrough is coming through the hardest part which is the waiting.

Turn to His word, stand on His promises for those who wait. Dig in drawing near to Him. Exercise your faith muscle just a little more so you’ll gain strength through the waiting.

Put your trust in God and wait expectantly as you go through the unexpected. You will survive because He will provide!

Waiting expectantly,

Terri

Sooo, What Are Markers Anyway?

I thought you’d never ask. Think of mile markers along the road you’re traveling on or directional markers showing you which way to go. Markers can also represent a memory of a life-changing event.

The word markers in this blog's title, and in the titles of my Markers book series, represents those points of remembrance when God personally reveals a powerful truth or moves in answer to prayer on your behalf. A God-marker in your life will always bring about change, as you trust Him to provide direction, one step at a time. 

The idea for my first book, “Markers for Single Moms: Finding God’s Direction in the Chaos,” came after a hike up Arabia Mountain in Lithonia, Georgia, about 20 miles east of Atlanta.

I was in a pretty desolate state during this time. Worn down after 16 years of struggling as a single mom, I was facing some new challenges that I felt sure would overtake me.

The 16 years prior to this time were full of God markers, where He came to my rescue time and time again, provided miraculously, healed, restored and gave direction when I needed it. However, I felt this time was different somehow.

My church of 13 plus years was dissolving. This was my support system, my family. My two best friends were moving away at the same time. They were my pillars and accountability partners. My home was also going into foreclosure. That’s just the tip of the iceberg too.

My way of escape when facing trouble was going alone somewhere to sort things out. That’s what I was doing as I hiked up this 940-feet high granite mountain.

As soon as I set foot on the top, I saw a weird rock pyramid about three-feet high a short distance away. When I walked over to it, I saw another one further ahead. They were strange looking; a mound of big rocks cemented together forming a pyramid. As I stood at the 2^nd one, I saw the third one, but couldn't see the 4^th one until I walked to the 3^rd one. By this time I realized they were stone markers leading down the other side of the mountain. The odd thing is I couldn't see beyond each marker until I walked over to the next one.

As I followed these stone markers, I sensed God showing me how He’d placed similar directional markers in my path throughout my life with Him. He reminded me of life events He’d led me through and the impact those had on my faith and growth in Him. I felt assured that He’d be with me and get me through this current crisis in my life.

That was ten years ago. I lived to write about it with my faith still intact. That period in my life lasted several years as I walked through a lot of very dark times before coming out on the other side.

God places markers in all our lives. He usually doesn't provide the direction we’re seeking, until we’ve obeyed the previous direction He’s given. We want to see the whole picture, when He just wants us to trust Him one step at a time. 

Are you seeking God for direction in something? Have you obeyed the last thing He showed you?

Do you remember in times past when He came through for you; when He heard your cries and answered? Has He provided unexplained peace and comfort when things didn't make sense? Those are the markers I'm referring to. 

I’ll be sharing more of my personal markers with you in the coming weeks in the hopes it will help you recognize God's special markers in your life. Be encouraged! He is working in your life and will never leave you where you are if you seek Him for direction.

You can share in the comment section below. Or if you don’t have a Google (Gmail) account, you can email me by filling out the form to the right near the top of this page.

Still seeking His direction,

Terri