Loving Away From Perfect

Welcome everyone to today's Monday Marker! 

I'm excited to introduce to you my friend and writing

comrade, Julie Ann Dibble, MA. Julie is a Christian speaker and author currently residing in Central PA, with her husband, Jason and their sons, Braedon and Jackson.

Her walk with Jesus began in her 40's, which she is forever grateful.

Answering His call, Julie speaks and writes to the following groups: police wives, those with depression, women who are hard on themselves, and those who live without the Light of Jesus.

Julie will launch her website in 2016. You can connect with Julie in the following ways:

Email: peece4fmly@gmail.com
Facebook: http://www.Facebook.com/JulieAnnDibble
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/@julie_dibble
Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/jayjule03

I know you're going to be blessed by what she shares with us today.

Here's Julie!
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Have you ever been planning to meet someone for coffee, and after you decide on a date and time, the other person exclaims, “Perfect!” Or maybe you were teaching your child to tie his shoes for weeks on end, and one day he comes out with two tightly tied bows. With a huge smile and hug, you tell him you have never seen such perfectly tied shoes before.

Perfect is a fairly common word, and by itself it means having no mistakes or flaws (www.merriam-webster.com).

That little word with huge implications became toxic in my family. Crushed dreams, grave disappointments and criticism seeping in and over words, tainting feelings of safety, love, belonging…

I was determined to avoid dysfunction. My education, stubborn independence and past depression was a combustible combination. We have two boys, and when they were between the ages of two and six, they did not have much to say in how their day went.

When one is parenting within normal limits, children that age are not supposed to have full say. But the perfectionism embedded in my heart took harrowing turns away from love-centered interactions.

I was very critical of our boys, my husband and myself. I was selfish and prideful, feeling like my ideas were the best about how to use our time or how to manage the household. Inevitably, someone would challenge me. I yelled. I yelled a lot.

Perfectionism is a vicious, endless cycle because achieving unrealistic goals [like wanting toddlers to obey 100% of the time] is impossible. The cycle in my soul looked something Iike this:

• I would harshly condemn myself for yelling: Satan would reinforce my guilt and shame by telling me I should know better. 
• I would question my ability as a mother when I struggled to have energy to parent: Satan would tell me I was nothing, that I should have never brought children into this world. 
• I wanted to run and hide for not giving my family the best of me: Satan would point out how I was loving toward others but that I failed to be loving to my own family. 

I was trapped in a world of the enemy’s lies. Depression ran deep in my veins, and I could see no way out.

Brene Brown is a researcher who studies shame and vulnerability. She verifies there is a high incidence of depression associated with perfectionism. The antidote to this cycle she proposes is compassion to

self. Most of us find it easier to be kind to others than to ourselves. Why is that? Ms. Brown admits she needs to be intentional about self-compassion: it is contrary to her past perfectionist patterns. [The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown]

Thankful and bowing, I met Jesus in my 40’s. Growing up, I only had ever heard his name when my ornery grandmother would swear. I had no idea Jesus and God were one in the same until I asked our pastor one day: “Ok what’s the deal? I pray to God but everybody here is talking about Jesus”.

God has been graciously revealing my sinful nature

and His awesome power. When I learned how Jesus obediently walked to his slow death for all of us, I was overwhelmed with gratefulness. I was embarrassed that I had been complaining about my life, as it was clearly a gift from God. Most of all, though, I began to truly feel the love that God pours on each and every one of us.

I had never felt anything like that before.

It was pure acceptance.

It was the loudest love.
It was the release of burdens I had carried for countless years.

I cannot tell you my perfectionism coupled with criticism of self and others disappeared instantly.

What I can tell you is that the Light of Jesus is so powerful that it extinguished the darkness that had stolen my soul. Standing in His love and grace….. imagining it washing over me……yes! Love I had never felt before absorbing the scars and stains of Satan.

I remember telling one of my dear friends that I want to find a way to free women from guilt….that self-reproach, the self-abuse. God heard me that day.

I will continue to blog about my journey with Jesus. I will write a book about perfectionism and its death-grip on relationships. To any individual or group that wants to listen, I will speak about the most powerful love that exists on this Earth.

My prayer for you today is this:

Dear Heavenly Father,

Jesus, I pray Your tender hands will

turn these beautiful faces to You. 

Please open their hearts to receive 

all the goodness and love you have 

to lavish. Please use Your still small 

voice to tell these lovely women 

that they are amazing individuals who 

can be free from the sneaky self-trap 

of guilt. Jesus, I know if they hold 

your hand and walk with you…

the chains dissolve and lose their meaning. 

In your way and according to Your will, 

Lord, reveal yourself to each reader today. 

In His Holy name, Amen