Keeping Up Appearances

I learned at an early age how to bury emotions and pretend things didn’t bother or hurt me. What I portrayed to my peers, was only what I wanted them to see. These pretensions followed me throughout my teen years into adulthood.

Whatever our current situation is, usually determines how pressured we feel to put up a front to hide our struggles and problems. 

The pressure to keep up with our neighbors or appear a certain way to our peers, doesn’t go away at age 21 or when we finish school, start our careers, marry and have children.

I think women struggle with this more than men. We compare ourselves ruthlessly to others and the head talk begins. 

She has the perfect body, prettier face, perfect parents, 

perfect house. Her husband is perfect, perfect kids, perfect

family, perfect job. Plenty of money. Nice furniture. 

And did you see those shiny appliances?

We then begin our lifelong quest to be like those who we think are perfect, not realizing they have their own struggles and problems. 

When I was a young Christian, I looked up to godly women who’d walked this road ahead of me and were mature in their relationship with Christ.

They had it together. Home, marriage, kids, and outward appearance was neatly packaged into what I thought being a godly woman looked like.

They could quote scripture and knew all the important biblical stories. They attended every church function, volunteered and made homemade granola and play dough with their kids.

Don't get me wrong. There's nothing wrong with all those things. But there was never any talk about struggles with sin or getting too deep with personal problems. So I thought being a Christian meant you no longer had serious problems.

Living in the southeast, I think, also adds to the expectations of what a godly Christian woman's life looks like.

Keeping up appearances is exhausting. It’s something you’d only expect with non-Christians or those who don’t have a personal relationship with Christ.

We’re surrounded by people every day working hard to keep up appearances, while struggling with the real stuff of life; past hurts, mistakes, dark secrets all buried deep down. 

In my late twenties, I went through a devastating divorce and became a single parent. Foreclosure, bankruptcy and a car repossession was hard to hide.

So much for keeping up appearances, right? Those were just the material things. There was still the emotional pain and shame to deal with.

This marked the point in my life where things got real with Jesus. My messy problems got bigger, and my struggles were many. I learned that my God was bigger still. 

Life can change in a day. Keeping up appearances is a waste of our energy. Jesus already sees to our core, and there's no need to pretend with Him. 

Surround yourself with others who are honest about their struggles and problems and who you can also be real with. Then pray for each other so you can be healed.

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray 

for each other so that you may be healed. James 5:16

This will end your exhausting quest to keep up appearances for others. 

Where can you find these people? If you don't have a strong church family or small group, a great place to find these people is at a nearby Celebrate Recovery program; a Christ-centered recovery program for anyone struggling with ANY hurts, hangups or habits. That's pretty much everyone, right? To find a CR group near you, go to Celebrate Recovery. 

This won't all happen in one day, but I bet if you ask God, He will lead you to others who, like you, want to move past the pretenses and enjoy freedom and true joy in Him.

And of course, as always, feel free to contact me ANYTIME. You can send a private email by using the contact form on the right of this page or leave a comment below where you feel comfortable for others to see.

Let's stay the course, and be real together.

Terri

Ladies! We are Better Together

Happy Monday y'all!

I'm excited to have someone very special today sharing with us about the VITAL role our relationships with other women have in our lives.

Renee Rutledge describes herself as quirky, eclectic, passionate, transparent, an excited follower of the Risen Lord, who has been radically changed by God.

Renee loves to share His hope with the hopeless and thrives on encouraging, teaching, training and inspiring others that "everyone has a greater purpose". 

God called Renee and her husband, Brad, to full-time ministry at Eastridge Community Church in Covington Georgia, where they have served as the leaders of Celerate Recovery for over 15 years. 

Renee is a wife of 31 years, mother to one, and NaNa to three. 

Here's Renee!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey ya'll! I'm excited to be with you today! Terri, thank you for the invitation!

About 17 years ago the Lord gave me a heart for women. I did as most mature Christians do, and said, "GOD! ARE YOU CRAZY?!? I DON'T EVEN LIKE WOMEN!!"

Now before you are offended, hear me out.

For years I had no reason to like or trust women, much less, minister to women.

I was a Youth Director in our previous church. I loved my teenagers and they loved me; they were my safe place.

Now, back to the calling into Women's Ministry; well, of course I said, "Yes Lord", but was horrified! And as I journeyed through this "calling," God was gracious and merciful.

I have learned a lot; mostly about myself. I learned that I didn't like or trust women, only because I didn't like or trust myself.

You see, I was the one who couldn't be trusted, passed judgement and was afraid of rejection. 

You see, I was the woman no one liked, because I was the woman I didn't like. Therefore I didn't want anything to do with women. I just hid out in youth group.

When I allowed God to transform my heart, mind and purpose, He changed everything! He gave me freedom. Freedom from the woman I used to be; freedom to become the woman He created me to be.

As God transformed my heart, I desired healthy, strong relationships with other women. I learned that I needed women in my life pouring into me, and I needed to pour into other women. As I did this simple thing; not easy, but simple, God blessed me beyond measure.

I have been mentored by some amazing women over the years! God, through these women, has forever changed my attitude, my marriage, my mothering... He's used women (a species I used to be scared of) to change my life. I've also had the opportunity to mentor many ladies.

God ordained all of these relationships and I am thankful.

But I've also been hurt. As a matter of fact, several years ago I was ready to walk away from women's ministry all together because the hurt was so deep. 

"See God! I told You I didn't have a heart for women!" 

And God gently held my heart in His Victorious Hand and whispered, "Then why is it breaking? You love her, that's why it hurts. And if you walk away now, you will miss out on many more blessings I have in store for you. I am using My daughters in your life and I am using you in My daughters’ lives. Don't run."

And again I said, "Yes Lord."

Ladies, we were designed for connection. Connection with other women. Healthy women.

We all need safe relationships that we can be real with, grow and thrive with, cry and share with and to have fun with; safe relationships with like-minded women.

We need the right people challenging and encouraging us in times of temptation, in weary times, in hard times...

Two are better than one, because they have a good 

return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one 

can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has 

no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, 

they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? 

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend 

themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (NIV)

Ladies! we are better together! We need each other!

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, 

just as in fact you are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NIV)

I can't imagine what my life would be like if I had not said, "Yes Lord." I would have missed out on so many blessings from women encouraging and building me up, and opportunities for me to do the same for them. 

God wants to use each and every one of you in these very special ways!

Are you like I was? Scared to let ladies in? Scared of being judged or rejected?

But what if?

What if God has an amazing relationship, especially for you, to encourage, challenge, love and accept you? But you miss out because you're scared and won't say, "Yes Lord."

What if God wants desperately to use you to impact someone's life in unbelievable ways? He can't do that unless you say, "Yes Lord."

Have you said, "Yes Lord!"

Or are you hiding out?

Are you running from your calling, whatever that may be?

Or are you being used by God in extraordinary ways, in and through His purpose for you?

Say, "Yes Lord!" Even if you don't understand His calling on your life! Your obedience to His calling will bless your socks off!!

You. Beautiful women, daughters of God, sisters in Christ have truly blessed my socks off and I am thankful! I am thankful I said, "Yes Lord!"

Thank you for letting me share!

Renee

He-art Work

It’s a New Year! We are 12 days into 2016 at this writing. It’s been an entire year since I last posted. A lot has happened since then.

Last year I took a step back from a lot of busyness in my life. I recognized a need

to press pause and make room for some HE-art work I felt God showed me needed to be done.

I took advantage of joining a women's nine-month step study through our Celebrate Recovery program at church. I knew this would be a safe place to unveil the emotions I’ve stuffed for the majority of my life and get real. I spent nine months digging, uprooting, replanting and growing. 

God introduced a few new markers to me. He presented healing and direction in several areas of my life. I hope to share those with you in the coming months with the hope of encouraging you on your personal path with Him.

Single Mom, You are not called to be superwoman, invincible, to stand alone in

the face of adversity. No! And you are not called to understand everything. You ARE called to be His bride, trusting, believing and relying on Him. 

You may already know and live in this trusting place with Him. But you aren't called to do life alone. God uses others who have walked a similar path. He uses encouragers and those who will inspire you to lay down your yoke of burdens and pick up His yoke of grace and mercy to walk into the marvelous things He has planned for you. Do you need to have some He-art work done? 

If you’d like to know more about Celebrate Recovery, visit  www.celebraterecovery.com. It is a Christ-centered recovery program for any and all who have ANY hurt, habit or hang-up. Even the strongest of Christian women need time to recover and recharge.

Unveiled,

Terri