Depending on God

by Terri Webster

When I was a single mom, depending on God became tangible.

Meaning, I depended on Him for the basics of necessities; food, shelter, water.

My dependence grew exponentially, as I also relied on Him for justice, healing of my broken heart and sanity for each day.

Those were tough years, putting it mildly.  

Today, while I know all my provision flows from and through Him, I no longer am in the posture of daily exercising that faith muscle. I take care, though, not to let it become flabby because I hope to never need to work it out like I did in my younger days.

However, if not for those years, I’m convinced there is no other way for me to know the intimate, compassionate, care and unfailing love of the Father’s heart, the way I came to know Father God’s.

Experiencing all I did during those years, also led me to the heart of Jesus in a fresh way, as I said yes to His proposal to be my Husband.

I was already saved, born again, but those dark days caused me to know Him in ways I wouldn’t know Him otherwise.

I stumbled and fumbled through. Made my share of mistakes. Struggled with doubt, unbelief, fits of rage and distancing myself from God.

Thankfully, He never budged. His love never changed in my ever-changing world.

Are you walking through dark times today, through a whirlwind of changes?

Dealing with a broken heart, injustice, loss, sorrow?

I write to you from the other side of a life forever changed by pain and hardship with nothing but encouragement and hope to offer you.

First, there’s no way you can muster up enough strength, self-will or spiritual ability to endure. Maybe for a day or two. But that isn’t lasting endurance. That may sound like bad news to you.

I have far better news!

Dear friend, you were never meant to dig deep within yourself to find all of that, as the world will tell you. Eventually you’ll come to the bottom of yourself. Then what?

Your shoulders weren’t designed to carry the weight of others AND your own burdens.

In a world completely void of stability, God’s unfailing love is unchanging. The shifting ground under your feet and unpredictable circumstances you’re in, are no match for His power to settle and sturdy you, as He walks alongside you.

How does this become your reality?

In His Word, the Bible; that book the world tells you is not worth your time, you can take hold of and apply His truths to the depths of your need, permeating, going where only He can go.

There was a time when I wasn’t sure I would ever say this, but joyfully, the time has come. God’s Word, the Bible, full of His rich promises and truth, has been tried and proven, over and over again in my life. His promises can be trusted. (Psalm 12:6)

I’ll share just a few with you today (there are too many for one little blog post).

• Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30

Placing our burdens on Jesus, results in rest, even while in the storm.

• Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

The darker the path, the brighter His truth shines.

• But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31

Waiting isn’t easy, but the promised rewards are priceless.

• Call to Me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know. Jeremiah 33:3

Today, whatever state you’re in, dark, light, good, bad, come to Him, just as you are. Pick up Your Bible, and allow Him to tell you deeper things you otherwise wouldn’t know.  

Dependently staying the course,

Terri

Am I Ready for Remarriage?

When I tell someone how long I was a single mom, their expression is one of hopelessness, thinking something like,

I can't wait that long! 

Or

I’d never survive being single that long.

Or
if God makes me wait that long 
for the man of my dreams I’ll be too old.

The experts say that for every five years you were married, it takes one to heal. Example: If you were married 15 years, then you should allow at least three to heal. This also applies if your split up was amicable or you were the one who left.

God hates divorce because of the damaging ripple effects for the rest of your life and the innocent children who get caught in the aftermath. I can personally attest to that fact.

But our God is a redeeming, healing God of second chances. I can attest to that FACT too.

All through my 30’s I was sure by age 40 I’d be remarried. I had a few crushes and one serious boyfriend. He was a wonderful Christian guy and I was sure THE ONE and sure I was ready to remarry. We both had our own baggage full of issues and that bubble burst quickly and the relationship ended.

Some said I was too picky. Really? How can you be too picky about someone you’re thinking of spending the rest of your life with, then adding the complications that come with blended families? Even if the kids are grown!

Throughout my 19 years as a single mom, I went through seasons of distrusting ALL men to longing for the attention, affection and companionship of a man. I prayed. I looked. I even dabbled in the Internet dating sites when they first came on the scene.

Those years that God kept me single, were some of the hardest times of my life, but they were some of the BEST times too. The Lord Almighty became my Husband, constant companion, my peace, comforter, provider and safe refuge. 

Towards the end of my single-parenthood (before I met my current husband), God caused Proverbs 12:4 to jump off the pages of my Bible one day.

A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, 

but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones. (NIV)

I had observed many marriages over the years and witnessed the noble wife and the disgraceful wife. I vowed that if God brought another husband into my life, I would be his crown and strive to bring him goodness the rest of his days. A lot easier said than done.

Sixteen years after my divorce, I went through Divorce Care, a 12-week course for healing from divorce. For more info go to: http://www.divorcecare.org/. Churches worldwide host this program and you should be able to find one near you. I strongly recommend it.

I became a facilitator after completing the program and one of my classmates (a guy) assisted when needed with male participants. We both showed up in a Sunday school class and started hanging out with the same group of people.

Our eight-month friendship grew into a dating relationship. There were no pretenses with him or me trying to figure out how I should act with him; none of the macho, look-at-me, aren’t-I’m-impressive mysteries to sort through. We were in our mid 40's and didn’t have time for such foolishness. 

During the two years from our first official date to the big I DO, we had two breakups, several months of counseling, then pre-marriage counseling. We watched a video series developed by Andy Stanley, called 'i Marriage'. If you think you're ready for remarriage, please watch this series! It's available everywhere you can purchase books and media.

Our first year of marriage was full of great times, mixed with lots of issues and unmet expectations on both our parts.

Ladies, it's hard being single. And it's hard being married.

In the nearly nine years since our wedding, I've learned a lot about myself. Mostly that I can be a moody, selfish individual, easily irritated, imposing unrealistic expectations on my husband. 

Over the years Proverbs 12:4 hung out in the bottom of my heart and back of my mind. My husband had female decay residue in his bones, and it was never my intent to add to it.

I wanted to be a noble wife, but didn't have the power to carry it out. I wanted to support him, encourage him, and build him up, not tear him down.

If it were not for both our committments, first to God, then to each other, constantly working on our issues, chances are we wouldn't still be married. 

If you want to know if you're ready for remarriage, ask yourself these questions:

• Am I ready to set aside my needs and put him first above all others, including my kids? (except Jesus, of course)
• Am I prepared to let go of certain expectations and love him unconditionally?
• Have I dealt with issues and healed from my previous marriage or relationships and not just put a bandaid over it?
  
• Are we both fully committed to each other, even after the honeymoon ends and the real love work begins?
• Am I ready and prepared to be the little "i" in the iMarriage and not the I DO, thinking it's now going to be all about me and my wants, needs and desires? 

It doesn't matter how wonderful you think a man is, he can't meet all your needs, wants and desires. Only God, through a personal relationship in Jesus Christ can do that. 

But what am I supposed to do while I wait?

I'm so glad you asked.

• Take advantage of that time by sincerely working on you. Become that noble woman who exhibits the qualities you'd like to have in a mate. 
• Serve God with the gifts and talents He's given you and become His first, before belonging to any man. 
• Live now! Expel the thinking that life only begins when you "have" someone. 

Then when you least expect it, perhaps God will open that 2nd-chance door in the last place you would ever expect. 

For me...I'm a work in progress and staying the course,

Terri

What Are You Wearing Today?

What did you put on this morning when you got up?

A uniform? Business clothes? Jeans? Are you dressy, casual or still in your pajamas?

Are you wearing earrings? Necklace? Bracelets? And what kind of shoes are you wearing?

I'm sure how you're dressed is determined by where you’re going or what’s on today’s agenda.

When we get dressed, we are careful to choose clothes based on how we want to look, along with style and comfort. 

Maybe we dress to hide what's really "hidden" or underneath.

We also dress in "invisible" clothes that we're unaware of. We wear them every day. These “invisible” clothes affect everything we say and do far more than we think. Truth is, they're not so invisible.

One day, not very long ago, I asked a single mom who was homeless, this question:

How is it that, what you’ve been through and currently going through, you’re so positive, energetic and hopeful? Sitting there with her, one could not see a hint of her current circumstances.

I’ll never forget what her answer was:

               I just don’t wear it.

Her answer stunned me for a few seconds, then I got it.

I was part of a panel of interviewers, discussing her entrance into a resident ministry for single moms.

Her children were well dressed and well behaved. She didn’t let them “wear” their circumstances either.

I was convicted. Not guilt-ridden, but gently convicted by the Lord.

I thought about when I was a single mom and how I put on my struggles, hardships and disappointments every day, wearing them everywhere I went.

I dressed myself in shame, financial burdens, victimization and rejection. I walked in shoes of fear and anger, depending on what day it was.

Those years have passed for me, but those five little words made me realize I still wore a lot of the same old “clothes”.

I love wearing something new. Don’t you? How do you feel when you put on a new dress or outfit?

I wonder what would happen if we simply changed our invisible clothing, one piece at a time. How do you think it would begin to affect our outward circumstances (and appearance)?

Here's a few:

 “…and provide for those who grieve in Zion – 

to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, 

the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise 

instead of a spirit of despair. Isaiah 61:3

LAYER ON

I delight greatly in the Lord; my soul rejoices in my God. 

For he has clothed me with garments of salvation 

and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness, 

as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels. Isaiah 61:10

AND

Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled 

around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness 

in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness 

that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, 

take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish 

all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the 

helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, 

which is the word of God. Ephesians 6:4-17

ACCESSORIZE WITH

Your statutes, Lord, stand firm; holiness adorns 

your house for endless days. Psalm 93:5

AND

She is clothed with strength and dignity; 

she can laugh at the days to come. Proverbs 31:25

I know. You might be thinking it’s much easier said, than done. I get that.  

That’s why we must go from just saying it, to doing it. Piece by piece, day by day. Or hey, just go on an all-out spree and get a whole new wardrobe at once.

The best part is…IT’S ALL FREE!

My daughter once said, “you dress for the job you want, not the one you have.” (Unless you already have the job you want)

Maybe if we “dressed” for the circumstances we want, not the ones we’re in, what would happen?

Here’s a summary of what we could be wearing from our new wardrobe:

Crown of beauty

Oil of joy

Garments of praise and salvation

Robe of righteousness

Belt of truth

Breastplate of righteousness

Shoes from the gospel of peace

Shield of faith

Helmet of salvation

Sword of the Spirit (God's Word)

Holiness

Strength

Dignity

These are just a few. Maybe you can add some in the comments area below that I’ve left out.

I’m updating my current wardrobe. Won’t you join me? 

Staying the course,

Terri

He-art Work

It’s a New Year! We are 12 days into 2016 at this writing. It’s been an entire year since I last posted. A lot has happened since then.

Last year I took a step back from a lot of busyness in my life. I recognized a need

to press pause and make room for some HE-art work I felt God showed me needed to be done.

I took advantage of joining a women's nine-month step study through our Celebrate Recovery program at church. I knew this would be a safe place to unveil the emotions I’ve stuffed for the majority of my life and get real. I spent nine months digging, uprooting, replanting and growing. 

God introduced a few new markers to me. He presented healing and direction in several areas of my life. I hope to share those with you in the coming months with the hope of encouraging you on your personal path with Him.

Single Mom, You are not called to be superwoman, invincible, to stand alone in

the face of adversity. No! And you are not called to understand everything. You ARE called to be His bride, trusting, believing and relying on Him. 

You may already know and live in this trusting place with Him. But you aren't called to do life alone. God uses others who have walked a similar path. He uses encouragers and those who will inspire you to lay down your yoke of burdens and pick up His yoke of grace and mercy to walk into the marvelous things He has planned for you. Do you need to have some He-art work done? 

If you’d like to know more about Celebrate Recovery, visit  www.celebraterecovery.com. It is a Christ-centered recovery program for any and all who have ANY hurt, habit or hang-up. Even the strongest of Christian women need time to recover and recharge.

Unveiled,

Terri