Life Transitions: Brace Yourself

When your life’s foundation shakes beneath your feet; your world, as you know it, shifts and changes against your will, changes for which you have no control over, how do you brace yourself?

Life transitions are hard enough when you’re grounded in a sturdy relationship with Jesus, our Lord Almighty. I can’t imagine walking through this unpredictable life and world without His presence, power and assurance of my position and future with Him.

He moves through these unbearable transitions with us, ever present, never leaving our side.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; 

and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep 

over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not 

be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. Isaiah 43:2

During some of my life’s biggest earthquakes, out of desperation, I held on tight to God’s promises of comfort, peace and hope. Each time, He fulfilled those promises.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, 

the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 

who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort 

those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves 

receive from God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

As we visited with my dad over the holidays, I thought a lot about the reality of life’s constant changes. He lives eight hours away and I’ve made this same trip to Mississippi for over 36 years. 

My stepmom, Mama-Jean, passed away July of 2015, drastically changing our visits to Mississippi.

Mama-Jean was a strong woman and wonderful homemaker. She always spiced up our times together by spoiling us and making sure we left five pounds heavier than when we came. 

Now, trips to Dad’s feel more like we’re on borrowed time, as he’s 81, and I’m not very young myself.

Transitioning through my mom’s death in December 2014, is ongoing. As I put away Christmas decorations, memories behind specific ornaments and displays that were mom’s flood my mind. 

Many times I stop and ask God if He can let her know somehow that I’m thinking about her.

Grieving loved ones, going through divorce, illness, financial loss, etc., can be overwhelming to the point of giving in to complete hopelessness.

But you don’t have to live in hopelessness if you belong to Christ. When your world falls apart, you don't have to crumble beneath its weight. 

Why? Because Jesus Christ is our Rock. Refuge. Hope. He’s our Guide and Comforter. He steadies us when the ground underneath shakes and shifts.

Are you experiencing big transitions in your life right now; facing changes that you have no control over? 

Are you trying to maintain a “stiff upper lip”? Are you forcing down emotions that can be expressed to your Heavenly Father instead? 

Are you looking for others to provide comfort and hope? Even our most devoted loved ones are limited in what they can provide during difficult transitions.

As 2016 is now behind us, and today we begin a new year, will you stand firm with me on God’s solid foundation that’s sealed with the following words: 

The Lord knows those who are His…2 Timothy 2:19

And if you’re not sure if you belong to Him and feel hopeless in the midst of your earth-shattering transition, then know this: You are not reading this post by mistake. He loves you with an everlasting love and draws you to Him with unfailing kindness. Jeremiah 31:3

Jesus came to provide a way for you and me to know Father God intimately.

If you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus 

and believe in your heart that God has raised Him 

from the dead, you will be saved. Romans 10:9

Opening your heart’s front door to Jesus Christ opens up a world of hope, comfort and peace. He will forgive all your sin and indwell you by His Holy Spirit.

You can know joy and peace in the midst of life’s most difficult times.

Best of all, though, is when you transition from this temporary life on earth, to eternity with Him forever!

I pray all of you have a wonderful new beginning with Jesus today, and throughout this year, as you trust Him fully in all of life’s transitions, whether good or bad.

May you find joy, peace and comfort as you trust Him more for what only He can provide. 

Staying the course through transitions,

Terri

When you Don't Want the Divorce

Welcome ladies, to Monday Markers!

Today’s post is part one of two parts, as I share some pointers that can help you navigate through an unwanted divorce.

Next week’s part-two will be about life on the other side of divorce.

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I don’t have statistics, but I’m willing to suggest that most women who have faced divorce didn’t want it.

Or maybe at the end of your marriage, following one-sided attempts at salvaging it, you were ready for divorce, even though it wasn’t what you wanted.

If you’re facing an unwanted divorce, you may be wondering how you can go on, thinking you’ll never recover.

If you have children, your situation is more complex and overwhelming, and you’re wondering how you’ll survive as a single mom.

The pain that comes with the ending of a marriage is indescribable. The emotions of hurt and anger wrapped up like a burrito, mixed with a lot of stuff can be downright messy.

This is where I found myself many years ago. Facing divorce and single-parenthood, while sorting through the blinding mud of infidelity and blows of shocking news, trying to sort out truth and lies.

Blaming God.

I didn’t want my divorce. I fought for my marriage the best I knew how. For the longest time I was in denial of what was happening before my eyes.

After a year-long separation, it was apparent that divorce was inevitable.  

As I think back over that tumultuous time in my life, I made a lot of mistakes that prolonged my agony, as I lived out strong co-dependent tendencies.

But I also did a lot to maintain normalcy and a calm stability for me and my kids, which provided us the comfort and security we needed to get through this awful time.

I’m going to share with you the top five things to NOT do (take it from someone who knows), then give you the top five things you CAN do instead. 

This can help you navigate through the rough spots and get you to the other side where miracles and healing happen.

Here are my top 5 suggestions of what NOT to do:

1. Don’t play the phone game. Period. If you don’t have children with your spouse/ex-spouse, there’s no reason at all to put yourself through the whacky insanity of back and forth calls and texts, fighting, begging, blaming and threatening. If you have children and must communicate, keep conversations at a
   
   minimum, ONLY with the children’s best interest as top priority. Avoid arguments that send you over the edge and the kids have to absorb what they hear.
2. Do not stalk or do drive-bys or seek revenge. It’s like pouring gasoline on wildfires. If there’s any avenging needing to be done, that’s God’s job.
3. Don’t bear the burden of responsibility for their choices. But accept responsibility for your part in the demise of the marriage, even if it’s only 10%.
4. Don’t make any major decisions, if possible, for the first year following the finality of your divorce. Stay put, if you can. And by all means stay out of the dating scene for at least a year. Trust me when I tell you this!
5. Do not run from God during a time when you need Him. He will be the true anchor for your sinking heart. He will!

My top 5 things to DO:

1. Spend as much time with family and friends as possible, who support and encourage you in positive ways.
2. Dive into God’s word. Grab on to it as if it’s your lifeboat. As you do, the Lord will meet you smack in the middle of the storms and messes. I can promise you this!
3. Keep making coffee and tea. Sounds weird, I know, but the
   
   simplest of things provide normalcy and comfort during this unpredictable time. Keep mealtime schedules and evening routines with your kids. Do simple household chores.
4. This one is a biggy for me: Set clear,
   healthy boundaries! Do not…I repeat, do not, allow your estranged spouse/ex-spouse to cross these boundaries. I remained open to reconciliation even after our divorce, but confused that with blurred boundaries. This resulted in ongoing, un-necessary heartbreak. For your sanity and healing, set and STICK to clear, uncompromising boundaries. I can’t
   stress this enough. If setting and enforcing boundaries results in
   
   bullying threats, as was in my case, take it to the furthest extent of the law from the first instance and DO NOT compromise under the pressure of threats.
5. Reach out for help in your community and church. Find a local Divorce Care ministry and plug in. Connecting with others who have survived divorce, is crucial. Their wise counsel from personal experience can save you a lot of un-necessary pain and grief.  www.divorcecare.org

There are many more, but these are my top 5.

Have you experienced divorce and have some tips I didn’t mention that you can share with us? I invite your input in the comment section below. Feel free to comment anonymously or sign in through your Google+ account if you have one.

I can’t wait until next week as I share about life after divorce.

Until then, let’s stay the course,

Terri

He Stayed

I married an Army guy when I was 19. We were high school sweethearts. A week after our wedding he was shipped out to Europe. I followed him six weeks later, and joined him in Rodenbach Germany, where he was stationed for three years.

Sixteen months later our son was born in Frankfurt, Germany. Nineteen months later my husband’s tour ended and we returned home to Georgia.

A year later we both became Christians. My husband was top salesman for a large food service company and we were able to buy our first home in an Atlanta suburb. We found an awesome little church full of other young couples and began our new life as Christians.

Our daughter was born three years later. Life was grand.

I loved being home with my kids. I had worked while we were in Germany, and off and on after moving back to the states, so being able to stay home with them was a huge blessing.

Everything was going according to plan. My plan.

A year after our daughter was born, we left our church in search of a larger one, hoping for more involvement.

We never found that church. 

Three months later my husband moved out and we were divorced the following year.

I was single again at 28, with two small kids. No job. No church home. Turns out my best friend and husband were having an affair, so along with losing my husband, I lost my best friend too.

What about you? Are you single again? What happened to bring you to that place? Death? Divorce? Never married, but you split up? 

Have you been tossed onto a path you would never have chosen, wondering how you got there and why?

Whatever it is, I’m sure it wasn’t in the plans you had for your life.

The abrupt changes in my life that set me on my unchosen path were a result of others’ choices. After I quit blaming God, I realized I still had choices too.

I knew Jesus as Savior, but was still learning to make Him Lord prior to my life becoming a shattered

mess. I had to decide if I was going to bring Him all the shards of broken pieces that were left or go my own way, away from Him.

I chose to continue letting Him be my Lord.

When my husband and best friend left, Jesus stayed.

HE STAYED.

Not only did Jesus stay, but He became my Husband and Best Friend. For 19 years I became personally acquainted with His ways and provision. I learned He would never betray or leave me.

His word (The Bible) was tried and proven in my life over and over and over, as my circumstances left me with no other option but to trust Him.

I’m no more special than anyone else. I just leaned heavy on God, and found out that’s exactly what He wanted me to do.

God’s specialty is broken lives.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and 

saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

Little by little, day by day and through many dark nights, the Lord Almighty grasped and held tight to my surrendered brokenness and formed it into something I could never have imagined.

He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

He plopped me down in a close-knit church family, gave me not one, but two new best friends. We’ve stuck like glue for more than 25 years.

God did a complete rewrite of my plan. I eventually remarried and a lot of my struggles ceased.

God is still writing.

If your circumstances have taken a turn onto a path you would never choose and is not in your plans, you still have choices. God has a grand plan.

I encourage you today to choose Him. Lay down all the broken pieces of your life and let Him rewrite your story.

I promise you that you won’t regret it.

I invite you to share in the comments below or if you prefer, feel free to send a personal email by completing the form on the right.

Next week is Memorial Day. We’re going to have a very special guest, who knows all too well what it’s like to be a military wife. 

As we remember all our military men and women on Memorial Day, I want to also hold up the spouses and family members who are alone while their loved one serves abroad.

Until then, stay the course,

Terri

A New Name

Anytime there’s a name change, something new is taking place. I remember how I felt when I changed back to my maiden name after being divorced for 12 years. My kids were almost adults. The attachment to my married name didn’t fit who I was anymore. A lot of changes happened in 12 years, including me. I was a new person because of all God had done in my life.

It felt so good to be called by my new name, even though it’s who I was for the first 19 years of my life.

I know. A name is just a name, and my identity lies in Christ. Like it or not, though, sometimes a name can loom over you like a dense cloud, but it doesn’t have to.

You don’t have to change your name to enjoy new life in Christ. But God will call you by a new name anyway. How about, Hephzibah? Isaiah 62: 4. Hephzibah means “my delight is in her”.

God calls you and me, My Delight.

Markers for Single Moms is getting a new name. And a new look. Why?

I’m a woman in need. You’re a woman in need, whoever you are. We’re all in need of God’s direction. Single moms. Single again. Never married. Married again.

Jesus said to Simon, Put out into deep water, and let down the nets for a catch. Luke 5:4.

Simon explained to Jesus how they’d been fishing all night with no success, but because Jesus said so, Simon let down the nets in deeper water. (Luke 5:5)

When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break. Luke 5:6

I don’t have a fancy explanation for the name change, other than the Lord has given clear direction. A new directional marker has been staked down and I will follow. 

The new name will be revealed very soon.

What new direction is God leading you? What new marker has He staked down in your life, pointing in the direction He wants you to go?

I invite you to share in the comments below, something new God is doing in your life and where He is leading you.

…you will be called by a new name that the mouth of the Lord will bestow. Isaiah 62:2